Land of Illusion Haunted Scream Park (Middletown, OH)
“Middletown’s Place For Fright and Fun!”
By Noah Wullkotte: jollypumpkin@aol.com
A spooky building is illuminated with red and blue lights as it’s surrounded by a sea of vehicles in the parking lot. Do you dare purchase a ticket or are you too scared to enter Land of Illusion, Middletown’s classic Haunted Scream Park?
This is City Blood’s 2015 review of Land of Illusion.
Land of Illusion has become an annual tradition for haunt goers of all ages. There’s a variety of entertainment around every corner and there’s always an opportunity to have the living daylights scared out of you. Land of Illusion consists of many attractions. This includes Temple of Terror, Dr. Psycho’s Haunted Estate, Killer Klowns, Voodoo Bayou Shanty, Middletown Haunted Trail and Zombie Sniper Patrol. Zombie Sniper Patrol is an additional charge.
It poured the night before and thankfully the weather was just right the night we visited. There wasn’t a cloud in sight and there was a decent sized crowd for Land of Illusion’s second night of operation. Thankfully, Land of Illusion has well lit signs pointing you in the right direction. There’s never a doubt on where you need to go.
Our haunted adventure begins with a tour of Dr. Psycho’s Haunted Estate. This is the attraction that most resembles a traditional haunted house, but with lots of detail and high tech props. You’ll encounter off the wall characters and some downright creepy scenes. You’ll enter a dilapidated haunted house that is full of ghouls and the living dead.
Walls are stained and wallpaper is torn. You’ll experience rooms like a haunted nursery, a makeshift laboratory, a walk in freezer, a funeral wake, a blood splattered kitchen, a haunted playground, a circular saw murder scene and so much more. Our favorite area is the large outdoor graveyard that’s home to zombies, skeletons, large creatures and beasts that haunt your nightmares. This is one of the best haunts at Land of Illusion because of its great set design and attention to detail. You’ll be shocked and frightened as you try to escape the haunted halls of Dr. Psycho’s Haunted Estate. Total tour time is around 14 minutes.
If you’re too frightened to experience the haunts at Land of Illusion then you can relax in front of the bonfire. Watch a show at the Stage of Rage or enjoy some music videos being played on the projection screen. Your stomach might be growling, so don’t forget to get something to eat at the Creepy Cafe. You can also visit the many vendors that are scattered throughout the park. Funnel Cakes are $5 and the majority of food and drink items aren’t too expensive.
If you feel like getting a cold one, then head over to the Voodoo Lounge. There are very few haunts that have their own fully stocked bar and Land of Illusion is one of them. Be sure to pick up a souvenir at Ghostly Gifts to remember the good times you had at Land of Illusion.
Next on our agenda was Temple of Terror. Temple of Terror is one of the oldest haunts at Land of llusion. It’s one of the few temple themed haunts we’ve been to and one of the best as well. Temple of Terror is a dark and mysterious haunt where ancient mummies are the least of your worries. This temple has a deadly curse and you better watch your back. Enter dark corridors where corpses come alive and there are deadly creatures that are beyond your comprehension. A large Impaler monster guards bloody remains while another room is full of massive vampire bats and winged serpents. Watch your head as the ceiling comes crashing down. This is a dark haunt where monsters are lurking around every corner wanting to take a bite out of you.
You might get a little wet since Temple of Terror features a swamp/rain forest area with running water. This is a highly detailed haunt where hieroglyphics decorate walls and there’s just the right amount of lighting to illuminate many of the haunting rooms. The over the top animatronics are the highlight of Temple of Terror. Tour time is around 12 minutes, but it depends on how long you look at the impressive scenery and how fast you walk.
We only toured two haunts at this point and we still had plenty of time to explore the rest of the Scream Park. We highly recommend that you purchase a Fast Pass for an additional $15. It’s well worth the extra price since it can get pretty crowded the closer it gets to Halloween. Next up is Middletown Haunted Trail.
Middletown Haunted Trail is the most popular haunt at Land of Illusion and for good reason. It’s the longest haunt lasting nearly 25 minutes and there are a variety of scenes to wet your sick appetite. A witch is out to cast her spell on you in the Witch’s Brew scene and you might even come face to face with the infamous Michael Myers. The Headless Horseman can be found at Cherry Hill riding his zombie horse. School is out at The School of Hell where spirits run rampant and there are madmen and killers waiting for you. Seeing a school bus standing straight up on its side is a sight to behold.
One of the most jaw dropping scenes of any haunt in Ohio can be found at Middletown Haunted Trail. I’m of course speaking of the Area 49 scene. You’ll come face to face with large mutant aliens, alligators and more. This is a fun haunt with just about any type of scene you can think of. Middletown Haunted Trail doesn’t really follow a specific theme, but that’s okay. It makes the haunt unpredictable. Next up is Killer Klowns
Killer Klowns capitalizes on people’s fear of clowns. I personally don’t have a fear of clowns, but if you do then you’ll be shaking in your boots as you walk through Killer Klowns. Killer Klowns isn’t drastically different from last year’s version, but it’s still pretty entertaining. Killer Klowns features clowns that float in the air, a freak show, carnival games and just about anything you can think of concerning clowns.
Their popular chain maze is more difficult than ever, but I’ve never been great at mazes. The different smells throughout the haunt really added to the experience. Who doesn’t like the smell of Cotton Candy? Tour time is around 13 minutes, but could be longer if you have difficulty in the maze. Next up is Voodoo Bayou Shanty.
If you love homicidal hillbillies then you’re in for a real treat. Voodoo Bayou Shanty is home to the sick and twisted Dubois family. If Deliverance and The Hills Have Eyes had a baby then you would get Voodoo Bayou Shanty. This is a crazy haunt with mutant hillbillies, demented hill folk and some blood thirsty animals. You’ll feel used and abused after you’ve survived this haunt. At one point I was rammed by a massive Wild Bore and I was confronted by some insane individuals. It’s hillbilly Hell taken to the next level.
Many of the rooms are tight and confining. You’ll get up close and personal with some real live freaks. My favorite room was the Voodoo worship room featuring a witch doctor that was ready to place a curse on his next victim. There are a variety of rooms such as a homemade hospital, a laundry room, a wooden maze, a grotesque kitchen and more. Don’t eat the rotten eggs the old man serves you. He looked like he was straight out of Duck Dynasty. Voodoo Bayou Shanty has improved from last year and we’re looking forward to seeing what they do to it in the future. Tour time is around 13 minutes depending on your pace. The large boar ramming me slowed me down just a little.
Last, but certainly not least is Zombie Sniper Patrol.
Zombie Sniper Patrol is one of the newer attractions at Land of Illusion and it’s the most unique. It’s a hair raising ride on a Military Cargo Truck. You and a group of people must survive a zombie invasion. Zombies are everywhere and it’s your mission to blow them away with your trusty paintball gun. The most exciting addition to the haunt is the multiple vehicle chases. The zombies are also more aggressive as they pull on the truck and hang on for their dear lives. It’s fun to aim for their head or groin. Our Army Cargo Truck was called Reaper and we had a great time. This is a fun attraction that lasts around 15 minutes. If you run out of ammo then you can purchase additional paintballs for $5 a person.
New this year is the Demon Drop. It’s a unique ride where you climb up a pole 40 feet in the air before jumping off a platform. You’ll be taken to Hell and back. There’s so much fun to be had at Land of Illusion and everything is well organized. We spent around 2 and a half hours at the scream park and we had blast. There are areas that could be improved though. There were too many times where actors would use the same old lines like “Where are you going?”, “You don’t belong here”, etc. Land of Illusion could also use more queue line actors. I only saw a few roaming around. Zombie Sniper Patrol could benefit from more scenes, props and zombies as well.
Land of Illusion is one of the best Haunted Scream Parks around and you’re sure to have a spooky time. There’s just so much value for your dollar and you can tour the haunts as many times as you want. General admission is $34.99 on Fridays and Saturdays. Tickets are $24.99 on Sundays. A Fast Pass is $15 additional. Middletown Haunted Trail and Zombie Sniper Patrol are closed on Sundays. Zombie Sniper Patrol is $12.99 when you purchase a ticket to the park. It’s $23.99 by itself. If you run out of ammo then you can purchase additional paintballs for $5 a person. The new Demon Drop is $20 and includes two jumps. Get yourself a Land of Illusion Season Pass for $99. Please visit www.landofillusion.com for more information on pricing. Click here to visit their Facebook page for sinister savings.
Experience Fright and Fun at Land of Illusion. Beware, because you’re in for a scare!
Final Stab For Each Haunt
*Middletown Haunted Trail: Length-9 Design-8 Props/Animatronics-9 Acting-8 Scare Effect-8 Final Stab: 8.4
*Dr. Psycho’s Haunted Estate: Length-7 Design-9 Props/Animatronics-9 Acting-8 Scare Effect-8 Final Stab: 8:2
*Temple of Terror: Length-7 Design-9 Props/Animatronics-9 Acting-8 Scare Effect-8 Final Stab: 8.2
*Killer Klowns: Length-7 Design-7 Props/Animatronics-7 Acting-7 Scare Effect-7 Final Stab: 7.0
*Voodoo Bayou Shanty: Length-7 Design-8 Props/Animatronics-8 Acting-8 Scare Effect-8 Final Stab: 7.8
*Zombie Sniper Patrol: This attraction has not been scored.
www.landofillusion.com