Land of Illusion (Middletown, OH)
“A Full Night of Fright”
By Noah Wullkotte: jollypumpkin@aol.com
Land of Illusion celebrates its 29th season of scares. It started out as Middletown Haunted Trail in 1997 in the back of owner, Brett Oakley’s backyard. Around 2005 it moved locations to become Land of Illusion. Land of Illusion is one of the best screamparks around. It features 6 frightful attractions. These are Temple of Terror, Dr. Psycho’s Haunted Estate, Killer Klowns, Phobia Face Your Fears, Lights Out and of course the one and only Middletown Haunted Trail.
You’re going to spend hours at Land of Illusion. We had a Fast Pass and it took us nearly 3 hours to explore everything they had to offer. There’s a digital map that shows where everything is located. If you’re not a fan of haunts then that’s okay. There’s plenty of other entertainment available at Land of Illusion. Abe’s Lincoln was playing on the Stage of Rage. This entertaining band brings you the sights & sounds of the most popular feel-good hits from the 1980s to today. Music videos played in the background. The Stage of Rage has a variety of entertainment throughout the haunt season from mud wrestling to DJs. Land of Illusion has themed weekends. There’s everything from Witches & Warlocks to Killer Klowns Invasion. Throughout the park, there’s mechanical bull riding and even a Mystic Crone. A crone is an old woman regarded as having magic powers or wisdom.
If you want a bite to eat then you’re in luck. The Creepy Cafe has a variety of food items. There are hot dogs, nachos & cheese, pizza, caramel apples, popcorn and more. There are also refreshments like soda, energy drinks, coffee, hot chocolate, sweet tea etc. The Voodoo Lounge is where you can get a mixed drink or cocktail. You can even get yourself a beer at the I’d Kill For A Beer Booth. You must be 21 or older to purchase alcohol at Land of Illusion. If you want an ice cold snow cone then be sure to visit their Snowie trailer. You might need to rest a little after walking from one haunt to another. Land of Illusion luckily has plenty of tables scattered throughout the park. Some are near the Stage of Rage and they’re in front of a large gas powered bond fire. This is great for cool fall nights.
The park is beautifully decorated with various props where you can get a group photo or a selfie. You’ll notice a few characters roaming around the park. My favorite was Regan MacNeil from the Exorcist. She lays in a motorized bed that travels throughout the park. The zombiefied Geoffrey the Giraffe was hysterical. I think his name was Faygo.
Lights Out is the newest haunt at Land of Illusion. Just imagine a traditional dark maze without the twists, turns and ultimate confusion. After we walked past an alien creature and Ghost Face from the Scream franchise, it was our turn to enter. There’s unfortunately not much to this attraction. There’s plenty of darkness, lightning effects, spooky sound effects, a couple lunging props and you might encounter a a few actors. We would have been out in under 7 minutes, but we were stopped at the exit which made us turn around. This made us walk around for a few more minutes before returning to the same exit. We eventually opened the door and were in and out in 10 minutes. Lights Out needs a lot of work as it pales in comparison to the rest of the attractions at Land of Illusion. It’s an uneventful haunt.
Temple of Terror was the first haunt we toured that night. This haunt has been at Land of Illusion for over 20 years. It was around when Land of Illusion was simply known as Triple Fright. Temple of Terror is like a dark and twisted version of Indiana Jones. You’ll encounter various monsters. Some tower over patrons. The 13 Foot Impaler Monster will eat you alive and the Demon Knight creature is very unexpected. This 9 foot tall animated super creature isn’t playing around. Watch out or you’ll be his next victim.
Scenes come alive at Temple of Terror. Skeletons decorate the walls with some springing to life. Hieroglyphics decorate walls and the lighting has overall been improved. The audio is better than ever as well. Who can forget the elevator ride that will have you bouncing up and down? Temple of Terror was 9 minutes long which is around a minute and a half longer than last you. You’ll explore areas such as the rain forest, bat cave, a temple with a falling ceiling and more. We were pleasantly surprised by the improvements, but don’t want to give everything away.
Phobia Face Your Fears had the longest line of any haunt that night which confused us a little since Middletown Haunted Trail is always the best attraction at Land of Illusion. It’s also the most popular. Phobia features many props that decorate the queue line. There was a 12 foot Skeleton, a skeleton in a boat fishing, an animated plague doctor, a grim reaper and so much more. You might even see an actor or two walking on the bridge above. It’s pretty cool to say the least. Phobia plays on your worst nightmares and fears. There are a variety of phobias contained in this haunt. There’s the fear of the number 13, darkness, tight spaces, aliens, insects, the dentist, clowns and much more. Phobia features one of our all time favorite alien scenes. You have to see it to believe it. Total time was around 11 minutes.
(“Here’s one of the many roaming characters at Land of Illusion.”)
Dr. Psycho’s Haunted Estate is one of the best haunts at Land of Illusion. It’s quite entertaining and gross at certain points. Don’t be shocked if you are asked to eat a worm. Doctor Christopher Psycho has an appetite for creepy crawlers and maybe you’ll take a bite. His wife Doctor Luna Von Psycho stands there as you watch in horror. Scenes include Oakley’s Greenhouse, Oakley’s Asylum, a graveyard with a crashed ambulance, disgusting kitchen, slaughter house, seance room and much much more. Watch out as Mongo comes crashing towards you. This is a always a great and effective scare. The man being sawed in half was shocking. Total tour time is 10 minutes.
Killer Klowns is one of the better clown themed haunts we tour. Google AI defines the fear of clowns or Coulrophobia as an anxiety disorder where individuals have an irrational and intense fear of clowns, leading to symptoms like increased heart rate, trembling, or panic attacks. This haunt exemplifies Coulrophobia. It’s a dark and twisted adventure through fear. Colorful artwork decorates the walls and there are two claustrophobia tunnels. One is covered with cotton candy. Killer Klowns wasn’t drastically different from last year’s version. Scenes include a shrinking hallway, a cotton candy room, human pinball, a carnival with games and so much more. Total tour time was 8 minutes, but could be longer if you get lost in the chain maze.
Middletown Haunted Trail is the oldest attraction at Land of Illusion. It’s been around since 1997 and has been regarded as one of the best haunted trails in the state of Ohio. This haunt doesn’t follow an exact theme, but that makes it unpredictable which we love. Middletown Haunted Trail features a variety of colorful characters that will make you laugh and scream in pure terror. I couldn’t stop smiling as I was confronted by a man dressed as a baby. He had a poopy diaper and was sucking on a pacifier.
Other characters include one of the best Michael Myers around. He emerges from the darkness as he gets closer and closer as he holds his butcher knife. Reverend Mordecai Black is the best character at Middletown Haunted Trail. Sit down and relax as he spins a tale. Feel the heat from a blow torch as a maniac catches the ground on fire. The witches were great as they cackled their heads off. The lumberjack was great as well.
There’s room for improvement at Middletown Haunted Trail. There is a section where you walk up and down steps where nothing is happening. It takes up a few minutes of the tour and had us wondering why it’s there. Total tour time was 25 minutes, but could be longer depending on how fast you walk or run.
Online, General Admission is $65 and a Fast Pass is $85. You can explore the attractions as many times as you want. 1 attraction is $29 per person. A Season Pass is $110, VIP Season Pass is $210. A Voyager Year Round Pass is $229 and the VIP is $369. You can even purchase a Gift Card that ranges from $50-$100. Don’t forget to donate to the Oakley Foundation. The Oakley Foundation, was created to empower and uplift individuals of all ages and walks of life who have experienced adversity from broken homes, abusive environments, and exposure to drugs and mental health challenges.
Parking is $8 if paying with cash or $10 paying with Credit or Debit. Please visit www.landofillusion.com for all ticketing options. When you exit, you can purchase your photos and enter the Ghostly Gift Shop. This is Land of Illusion’s Gift Shop where you can purchase tumblers, hoodies, T-Shirts and so much more. Don’t forget to visit Land of Illusion’s Aqua Adventures Waterpark in the Summer and Christmas Glow during the Christmas season.
We’ve said it a million times before. It doesn’t quite feel like the Haunt Season without visiting Land of Illusion in Middletown, Ohio. It’s a full night of fright and one hell of a good time.
Length-8 Design-8 Props-9 Acting-8 Scare Effect-8
Final Stab: 8.2
www.landofillusion.com