Land of Illusion (Middletown, OH)
“Middletown’s Classic Scream Park”
By Noah Wullkotte: jollypumpkin@aol.com
Land of Illusion is one of our favorite haunts that we visit every season. There’s just so much to do and so much variety in terms of scares and entertainment value. After you get your picture taken, you’ll be wanded and you’ll need to take everything out of your pockets. I’m so glad that Land of Illusion takes safety so seriously. Over the years Land of Illusion has made some big improvements to the facility. It truly is a Haunted Scream Park like none other in the state of Ohio and beyond.
At Phobia you’ll be going one on one with your worst fears. This is a unique haunt that’s dark and mysterious. You’ll explore areas like a portal full of alien beings. We loved this scene last year and it’s only gotten better. Watch out for the big hand that reaches out to grab you. If you’re afraid of spiders then you’re in for a real treat. That’s all I’m going to say about that. Other fears that are featured include the fear of the number 13, snakes, electrical shock, darkness, tight spaces and more. Standout characters include the fortune teller and Doctor Death. Doctor Death says little, but He’s quite intimidating. Total tour time was 7 minutes.
Toxic Hillbillies is full of you guessed it, hillbillies. The most wretched and sadistic backwoods bastards reside in this haunt that was Dysphoria last season. You’ll venture through areas that us city folks wouldn’t dare to enter. Some scenes look radioactive as they glow in the dark. The kitchen is serving up a fine stew made of human flesh. Other scenes include a living room, maze and more. Toxic Hillbillies is Land of Illusion’s Achilles Heel. It’s our least favorite attraction at the park. Most of the mazes are quite entertaining, but Toxic Hillbillies just resembles a modified version of last year’s Dysphoria. We appreciate the effort that was put into this attraction, but there’s definitely room for improvement.
Next up is Killer Klowns. This attraction plays on your fear of clowns or what’s better known as Coulrophobia. This is one of the better clown themed haunts that we tour. There are multiple vortex tunnels with one that’s covered with cotton candy. The cotton candy room leading up to the vortex tunnel was great as it glowed a bright blue. This is a really entertaining attraction where you never know what to expect from these Killer Klowns. City Blood is notoriously bad at mazes, but we were luckily out of the chain maze in no time. Other scenes include a shrinking hallway, a carnival full of midway games, a walk through pinball game and so much more. We don’t want to spoil all of the scenes. Colorful artwork decorates the walls. We were in and out in around 8 minutes, but it could be longer if you get lost in the chain maze.
Dr. Psycho’s Haunted Estate is one of the oldest haunts at Land of Illusion. It was originally part of Middletown Triple Fright back in the day before it became Land of Illusion in 2005. This is one of the better haunts at Land of Illusion and one of our favorites. Oakley Greenhouse is where an unspeakable creature resides. The Oakley Asylum is crazy to say the least. The woman in the padded room did an excellent job as she thrashed around. During Dr. Psycho’s Haunted Estate, you’ll go inside and outside. It’s like a combination of a haunted trail and haunted house all rolled into one fine attraction.Other scenes include an ambulance crash, a gory wash room, a disgusting kitchen, a bathroom with a suicide victim, a doll room and much more. The seance room is very detailed. It features candles, skulls, tarot cards, a Ouija Board and just about anything you can think of when raising the dead.
There are plenty of hair raising animatronics as well. Our favorite is Mongo. There’s even the ghost of a little girl who vanishes into thin air when the blue light turns red. That was a nice touch. The boiler room/creamatorium has real flames. It can get quite toasty in there. This is a haunt that does a great job at entertaining customers with its variety of scenes. Total tour time was around 10 minutes.
(Temple of Terror is one of Land of Illusion’s oldest haunts.)
Temple of Terror has made some improvements this season which is much appreciated. We enjoyed the dark mine shaft, but the floor in the beginning of the haunt didn’t shake or fall. This is a haunt that’s full of delicious eye candy. The 13 Foot Impaler Monster wants to tare you to shreds. The Scare Factory Demon Knight has been modified to resemble a killer mummy. The bat cave is full of interesting animatronics. This is a dark haunt, but there’s plenty of detail in a variety of scenes. The rain forest features real running water and Egyptian Hieroglyphics decorate the wall in certain parts of the attraction. There’s nowhere to run and nowhere to hide at Temple of Terror. Skeletons reach out to touch you and you’ll need to watch your head as the ceiling comes crashing down.Total tour time was around 8 minutes.
Middletown Haunted Trail is the longest running haunt at Land of Illusion. Its been around since 1997 and it’s always packed when we visit. It also features the biggest variety of scares compared to the rest of the attractions. It’s definitely a must see experience for haunt lovers. One of our favorite alien themed scenes can be found at Middletown Haunted Trail. I’m of course speaking of Area 49 which is home to aliens and a dark and deadly secret.
This is a wild and crazy haunt with a colorful cast of characters. Michael Myers emerges from the darkness as he tries to stab you to death. You’ll eventually meet Reverend Mordecai Black whose interesting to say the least. Feel the heat from flames of a torch. The witches want to eat you in the old village. There are multiple chainsaw attacks, but they don’t overdo it. This isn’t a haunt where you’ll be complaining that there’s yet another chainsaw. This is a classic haunt with classic scenes like the spider’s lair and an oversized pumpkin patch. The serial killer’s room is full of missing people posters. Will you be next?
There are two vortex tunnels at Middletown Haunted Trail. They’ve been combined to create quite a dizzying experience. There are plenty of props that will have your heart racing. The massive killer crocodile wants to eat you alive. So you better watch your ass or you’ll be his next meal. There are interactive elements such as wall that crushes you from both sides. The acting is good at Middletown Haunted Trail. Lucifer can be found in the pits of hell and get ready to confess your sins.
Nothing is perfect and a few scenes here and there fell a little short. There was an area where you walk up multiple steps where there are flashing lights and music. But there weren’t any actors which confused me a little. But overall this is a haunt that’s a great bang for you buck. It lasts nearly 30 minutes and it’s pretty action packed from start to finish.
If you’re not into getting scared then you can sit back and relax in front of the bonfire and enjoy a show on the Stage of Rage. There’s live bands, DJs spinning tunes, fire performers, and lots more. Each weekend is themed from Day of the Dead to Klown Invasion. If you’re hungry or would like a cold drink then you’re in luck. There’s a plethora of food options available. Creepy Cafe serves pizza, nachos, hot dogs, popcorn, hot chocolate, soda, Gatorade and just about anything you can think of. There are also a variety of vendors scattered throughout the park.
Hell, Land of Illusion even has mechanical bull riding. Those 21 years old or older can enjoy a cold one or a mixed drink at the Voodoo Lounge. And finally, if you want to remember the great times you at Land of Illusion then buy a memento at Ghostly Gift Shop. This is also where you can purchase maze photos. There are plenty of photo op stations throughout the park from a hairy gorilla to a massive skeleton with a jack-o’-lantern. There weren’t many queue line actors the night we visited, but our favorite was of course Regan from the Exorcist. She lays in a mechanical bed that moves throughout the park.
It doesn’t feel like the haunt season if we don’t tour Land of Illusion in Middletown, Ohio. General admission online is $52.96, General Admission + Fast Pass is $71.11 and a 1 attraction pass is $25.75. Please visit www.landofillusion.com for the rest of the ticketing options which include a season pass for $99.00. There is an online ticket fee for all ticketing options. Ticket prices are more if purchased at the park and it’s cash only. ATMs are available onsite. Parking is $8 if you pay with cash and $10 if using a credit or debit card. The ticket prices might sound steep, but remember that you can tour haunts as much as you want that night if you purchase at least a general admission ticket.
Don’t forget to visit Land of Illusion’s drive through Christmas Display called Christmas Glow during the Christmas season. Enjoy some swimming at Aqua Adventures during the Summer season. Land of Illusion has it all and it’s one of the best Haunted Scream Parks you’re going to visit. Tell them City Blood sent you!
Length-8 Design-9 Props-9 Acting-8 Scare Effect-8
Final Stab: 8.4
www.landofillusion.com