Land of Illusion Haunted Scream Park (Middletown, OH)
“A Playground of Fear
By Noah Wullkotte: jollypumpkin@aol.com
Land of Illusion celebrates its 26 year or fear. What started out as a haunted trail has grown into a large scream park that thousands upon thousands of scream seekers visit every Halloween season. The weather was perfect and we were ready for some fright. This is City Blood’s 2022 review of Land of Illusion Haunted Scream Park. Let’s first start with the Middletown Haunted Trail.
This large haunted trail has been scaring victims for 26 years. Explore scenes such as the Michael Myers Bridge where “the shape” suddenly vanishes and then reappears. Watch out or you might become his next victim. Different parts of the trail have been renovated, but we aren’t going to give away all the surprises. New this year is a town inhabited with witches. Some of the best acting comes from this section. But there are many scenes that have great characters and special effects. One of my personal all time favorites is Area 49. A secret military facility houses aliens that rise from the murky waters as alligators attack. Sirens blare as gun shots echo throughout the building. I just love this scene.
The Middletown Haunted Trail is one of the best haunted trails in the state of Ohio. It’s full of elaborate sets, scary characters, intricate makeup and over the top props that will get a rise out of you. There are plenty of large props you’ll come across. This includes giant pumpkins in the pumpkin patch, killer trees in the haunted forest, spiked walls, school buses that are on their sides, and even the headless horseman. You’ll go to battle with him before entering Cherry Hill.
The animals are larger than life inside the Middletown Haunted Trail. Meet a mutant crocodile inside the nuclear wasteland. He wants to take a bite out of you. You’ll have one hell of a time as you enter the pits of hell Are you willing to sell your soul to the devil? Feel the heat at Middletown Haunted Trail. A blow torch wielding madmen gets closer and closer.
The acting is good for the most part, but sometimes actors resort to yelling instead of using meaningful dialogue. This isn’t a common occurrence at Middletown Haunted Trail. A lot of time and effort has been spent in making scenes as realistic as possible and I truly appreciate that. This is a haunt that will appeal to just about everyone because there’s a plethora of entertaining scenes everywhere you go. Total tour time was 25 minutes, but this all depends on how fast you walk or run.
Next up is Temple of Terror. Temple of Terror is one of the few Egyptian themed haunts in the state of Ohio. Just imagine if The Mummy and Indiana Jones had a baby. The result would be Temple of Terror. This twisted haunt is full of dark and tight spaces. The haunt begins as you enter a cursed mine shaft that violently moves. Explore rooms such as the rain forest that has real water and a ghoul that flies overhead. This is a haunt that’s full of eye candy as far as the eye can see.
The 13 foot Impaler Monster is ready to gobble you up and the 9 foot tall Demon Knight Super Creature wants to tear you from limb to limb. Watch your head as the ceiling falls. Walls are decorated with hieroglyphics and coffins are full of zombies and mummies. The lighting could be improved in certain areas of Temple of Terror. This includes the bat cave where it was hard to see what creature we were looking at. We’re pretty sure it was a massive vampire bat. Overall Temple of Terror is an exciting journey full of fright and fun. Total tour time was just shy of ten minutes.
(Check out this beautiful sign for Middletown Haunted Trail.)
Dysphoria is the newest attraction at land of illusion. Dysphoria is defined as a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life. This tire maze can be somewhat confusing depending on how well you find your way out of mazes. We were in and out in 10 minutes. It was fun trying to figure out what was real and not real, but we were left wanting more. Additional actors and a scene or two would make it much more memorable. We enjoyed the soundtrack before entering the haunt. A slowed down version of Tiny Tim’s Tip Toe Through the Tulips was creepy to say the least.
Next on our agenda is Phobia. A massive skeleton stands guard in the queue line as smaller skeletons cling to the wall while they’re illuminated with red lighting. Face your fears inside this unique haunt. You’ll explore scenes where your fear of the number 13, doll babies, spiders, roaches, snakes, the doctor’s office, the darkness, tight spaces and much more come into play. Our favorite scene was the alien encounter. I felt like I escaped to Roswell Mexico. You’ll enter multiple laser light swamps in-between certain scenes which was a nice added touch. Phobia has become one of our favorite attractions at Land of Illusion since it offers so much variety. It’s on the short side lasting around 8 minutes.
We decided to take a small break and get a bite to eat. The mini donuts were delicious. I can still taste the powered sugar and cinnamon. Next up is Killer Klowns. The fear of clowns is known as Coulrophobia. Some people have it while others don’t. So, if the thought of Bozo the clown makes you jump out of your skin then Killer Klowns is the haunt for you. This colorful haunt is full of humor and plenty of scares. Impressive artwork decorates the wall. There are 2 vortex tunnels with each having their own clown character.
You’ll navigate through areas that include a life sized pinball game, a game of bowling, a playground for clowns, hanging cotton candy cocoons, a shrinking hallway and much more. The clowns are quite sinister as music from Stephen King’s It plays throughout much of your journey. We are notoriously bad at mazes and it was no exception at Killer Klowns. We were inside of their chain maze for about 3 minutes making the total tour time around 9 minutes. This always depends on a person’s pace.
Last but certainly not least is Dr. Psycho’s Haunted Estate. This has been a staple at Land of Illusion for many years. You could call it a small haunted trail combined with an elaborate haunted house. It’s a crowd favorite at Land of Illusion and one that stands the test of time. You’ll explore areas like a cursed séance room, a creepy doll baby nursery,a butcher shop, a makeshift hospital, a spooky cemetery, a crematorium with real fire and much more. This is a fantastic haunt with plenty of detail in various scenes. You might even meet Dr. Psycho himself. Watch your back! Total tour time is around 10 minutes or so.
Land of Illusion is one of the best scream parks around. It’s amazing how this place has evolved. There’s so much variety when it comes to entertainment that it will make your head spin. Killer clowns, Regan Macneil from the Exorcist, a knife weilding psycho and other characters roam the park looking for the next victim. You can sit back and relax while taking in a show at the Stage of Rage. You’ll be entertained by everything from Country Music, Midget Wrestling and even fire performers. There’s massive bonfire to warm your bones. If you’re hungry then get a bite to eat at the Creepy Cafe. Don’t forget to check out the rest of the vendors that are scattered throughout the park. If you’re in the mood for a cold one then check out the Voodoo Lounge where the beer is cold and there are plenty of delicious drinks available.
After you’re finished with the haunts be sure to purchase one of your group photos that was taken. Speaking of photos, there are plenty of photo-op stations at Land of Illusion and your picture will be taken at certain haunts. When you exit, you’ll enter the Spooky Gift Shop where you can purchase hoodies, T-Shirts, cups and much more. Land of Illusion is a very safe place. You’ll be asked if you have any weapons on you and you’ll be wanded before entering the park.
Parking is $5 per vehicle. Tickets are $55 a piece, Fast Pass is $80, One Friday or Saturday Attraction is $25, Haunt Family of 4 is $299, Single Season Pass is $99 and Fast Pass Season Pass is $199. These are online prices.
Be sure to visit Land of Illusion’s Christmas Glow during the Holidays and relax in the water during Aqua Adventures. Aqua Adventures takes is Land of Illusion’s Waterpark that takes place during the Summer. Land of Illusion never fails to impress me. You can spend the entire night with friends and family while enjoying scary attractions, getting a bite to eat, enjoying a show and kicking back with a satisfying cold one. We highly recommend that you tour Land of Illusion this Halloween season.
Length-7 Design-9 Props/Animatronics-9 Acting-8 Scare Effect-8
Final Stab: 8.2
www.landofillusion.com