Dead Acres (Pataskala, OH)
“No Man Will Be Left Behind”
By Noah Wullkotte: Jollypumpkin@aol.com
Flames blow in the wind as they’re released from large silos. A demon sits on top of a spooky building as he guards his home. Texas Chainsaw Massacre plays on a projector screen while hordes of people wait in line. Monsters and madmen walk among the sea of people who are waiting to enter the world famous Haunted Hoochie. This is City Blood’s review of Dead Acres, give me a Hell yeah!
When you think of extreme, Haunted Hoochie should be the first haunt that pops into your head. For 24 years, this legendary haunt has been the leader in extreme gore and in your face scares. I can remember the first time I toured Haunted Hoochie back in 2000. It was cold, muddy and I had to wait in line for 3 hours. But it was well worth it because this is a different breed of haunted house. Haunted Hoochie no longer takes place inside huts, but it’s still the same extreme in your face haunt that people drive from all over to experience. Many have tried to replicate the atmosphere of Haunted Hoochie, but have failed miserably.
Haunted Hoochie begins when you’re face to face with a suicidal madman. As the crowd cheers, this crazed psychopath places a shotgun in his mouth and pulls the trigger. Blood splatters all over the window behind him as he sits there lifeless. The crowd celebrates his death and wishes to see more carnage. Haunted Hoochie is like a living breathing snuff film where you’re unsure of what’s real or fantasy. You’ll witness brutality like you’ve never seen before. Don’t feel guilty about wanting to see someone murdered in front of your eyes. It’s quite fun and entertaining. Blood sprays from a woman’s mouth as a killer cuts into her face with a grinder. Some people are afraid of clowns, but at Haunted Hoochie one unlucky clown gets his head chopped off with a machete. A sadistic killer holds it up as a trophy while customers flee. Nothing is off limits at this haunt and there are chainsaws aplenty. A man gets cut in half with a gas powered chainsaw and you better run because you might be next.
Haunted Hoochie has its own version of a rectal exam. Some poor guy gets his butt destroyed by a large drill as he lays on his stomach. He screams in pain and wants your help. It’s pretty funny and very creative. Haunted Hoochie is an elaborate haunt with lots of eye candy. You’ll see a flying Angel of Death in the graveyard and the headless horseman is no longer just a story. The 13 foot Impaler monster is hungry and you’re looking pretty tasty. There are high tech scares everywhere and some intricate scenes that will make your jaw drop. The cursed chapel has sinful nuns who attack customers and a preacher hangs snakes over your head. A pentagram bursts into flames as evil consumes you.
The junkyard is an unsafe place this time of the night. Vehicles move by themselves and you’re unsure of what you’re going to see next. The walls come alive at Haunted Hoochie. Skeletons grab at you in the catacombs and there are walls that sway back and fourth. A vortex tunnel spins out of control as you try to keep your balance.There’s armageddon at Haunted Hoochie. Bullets hit the water and there’s even a helicopter. This is a loud and intense scene where you better not leave a man behind. Haunted Hoochie is a haunt that encourages the crowd to participate. Before a graphic skit begins, you’ll be forced to move in closer so you can get an up close and personal view of death and blood shed. The crowd screams “Hell Yeah” as a scene of horror is presented. You’ll feel used and abused after you’ve left Haunted Hoochie. But you’re much better off than the man who had his skull crushed by some twisted torture device.
This is a fast paced haunt where the actors are very physical. You’ll be grabbed, cursed at and physically assaulted with chainsaws. Sparks may even hit you in the face. Loud rock music plays as you escape death. One busty actor grabbed my hand and placed it on her breast. Another actor grabbed my hat and threw it. The Haunted Hoochie is a sensory overload to the max. This is the real deal when it comes to over the top scares. Prisoners have escaped their cells and you better watch your back. They will attack. You’ll be on high alert at Haunted Hoochie because the actors are angry and want to kill you. You’ll be in and out of the haunt in 20 minutes. But it ultimately depends on how fast people walk or run.
After you’re done, you’ll enter Bad Trip in 3D. This is what I like to call the calm after the storm. This 6 minute haunt reminded us of a modern day funhouse. There are very few actors, but there are plenty of props. The haunt is full of eye candy. You’ll see an alien eye that blinks, a man eating Venus Fly Trap, a zombie mother holding her baby, mutant clowns, a monsterous snake and more. You can’t compare this attraction to Haunted Hoochie since it’s the polar opposite. Haunted Hoochie is extreme while this is a haunt that’s fun to look at. It does have a vortex tunnel and the artwork is pretty impressive when wearing 3D Glasses. You can’t really complain since it’s included in the ticket price. Most people are there solely for Haunted Hoochie.
Dead Acres is $25 a ticket and this includes admission to Haunted Hoochie and Bad Trip in 3D. This is $5 more than last year, but it’s still well worth the price of admission. For $40 you can skip the line by purchasing a VIP Speedpass. Haunted Hoochie is notorious for having some of the biggest crowds. We were there on a Thursday night and there must have been at least a thousand or more people waiting to get in. If you don’t purchase a Speedpass then you are a fool. Show up early or suffer the wrath. Parking is $3. There are concessions available on-site and Haunted Hoochie memorabilia such as T-Shirts, hoodies, hats and more.
The Haunted Hoochie has gained its legendary status because it has no boundaries in how far it can go. It’s an extreme haunt with a cult following. This is a haunt you have to experience because it’s no holds bared and one hell of a ride! GIVE ME A HELL YEAH!
Final Stab For Each Haunt
Haunted Hoochie: Length-9 Design-9 Props/Animatronics-10 Acting-9 Scare Effect-10 Final Stab: 9.4
Bad Trip in 3D: Length-5 Design-7 Props/Animatronics-9 Acting-5 Scare Effect-6 Final Stab: 6.4